Jason Pockrandt joins us and shares his burden for fathers.

Here's Jason's Tedx Talk:

https://youtu.be/BbnxAHET72Y

Here's Jason's book, "Father-Daughter Conversations":

http://joshuarivers.net/father-daughter

 

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

This is a very well known Scripture verse, especially when we are talking about how to train your children. I have heard a few different ideas of what this verse is teaching, and I think there is validity to each of them. Let's start with the definition of "train up" from the Strong's Exhaustive Concordance:

A primitive root; properly, to narrow (compare chanaq); figuratively, to initiate or discipline -- dedicate, train up.

With that definition in mind, here are two interpretations of this verse that I've heard:

1. The parents are to train their children in the way they feel is best, according to the Bible. The result will be that the children will stay with what they were trained when they are older. I believe that this is, with some further depth and understanding, the primary teaching of this verse.
2. The parents are to train their children in the way God is leading that child to be. I have also heard that "the way he should go" should be translated "the way he is bent." I'm in favor of changing the words in Scripture. Sometimes, however, we do need clarification about what the words mean. I believe that there is validity to this truth, although, I don't think the wording of the verse needs to be changed. I'll talk more about this later.

Going back to our definition of "train up," there are several key parts that work together. If one part is left out, I believe that part of the training process is lost.

• "To narrow" - Some people think that Christians "brainwash" or "indoctrinate" their children, forcing them to live a severely strict lifestyle. Whether or not you think they take it too far is not the issue. The issue lies more with the fact of teaching their children why they do what they do (what they say, how they act, what they wear, etc.). Being narrow is necessary: it help protect your children, especially while they are young. But as they grow older, they need to learn the reasons behind what they are being taught.
• "To initiate" - This part of the definition indicates that training is a life-long process. As parents, we are just starting the process: we're initiating it. The beginning of any teaching is critical, since all teaching afterwards is based on those foundational principles.
• "To discipline" - Discipline is more that punishment for wrong doing (which is a common usage of the word). Discipline is to "train (someone) to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience." So the purpose of discipline is to help the other person better understand and follow certain practices, only part of which is punishment. One of the key responsibilities of any authority is to help those under their authority to become better - to become the person God wants them to be.
• "Dedicate" - The process of dedicating something is reserving it for only a particular use. In this context, we are talking about dedicating our children to God for His use. We should first dedicate ourselves to God, but, as parents, we are to give our children to God as well.

And she [Hannah] said, Oh my lord, as thy soul liveth, my lord, I am the woman that stood by thee here, praying unto the Lord. For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him: Therefore also I have lent him to the Lord; as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the Lord. And he worshipped the Lord there.

1 Samuel 1:26-28

Our responsibility to "train up" our children means that we to begin their life-long training in living the life that God desires for them.

This process of training involves several key elements, some of which are missed or overlooked:

1. Know the destination

Steven Covey popularized the idea of starting with the end in mind. This is a principle that is found throughout Scripture. We cannot effectively get to our destination if we don't know what or where it is.

2. Start where they are

MapQuest, Google, and many other apps help people to get from point A to point B. You have to know both the destination (see point 1 above) and the starting point. It is only after you know both of these that you can plot out a course to follow. Yes, there may be detours along the way; but you have a plan to follow.

When working with children, it can be easy to understand where they really are.

My wife and I can be talking with our kids. They will stop us and ask us what a certain word means. My wife and I look at each other, and we are struggling to find a way to define it for them. It's a word that is so easy and common for us, but we fail to remember how we got to the place of understanding it.

Take time to work with your children. That's the only way to really know where they are. No two kids are at the same level, even at the same age. My son barely spoke until we was three, while my daughter was talking in simple sentences at two. Each one is different, so you have to figure out where they are so you can know how to move forward.

3. Demonstrate what is expected

"More is caught than taught."

Kids pick up on what you do much more than they do from what you say.

You can tell them everyday that they shouldn't smoke; but if you smoke, you're sending a mixed message to them, and they'll tend to think that smoking is okay.

You can tell them to clean their room, but if you never worked with them on it, how will they really know what is expected? Take time to show them step-by-step what they need to do, explaining everything as you go.

Not only do you need to show them how to do it, but you need to be a continual example. If you tell your kids to clean their room, but your room is a mess, what kind of message are you sending them?

4. Give them an opportunity to practice

After you demonstrate and explain how to do what they need to do, they need to try it themselves.

And the best time for them to do it is right away!

The closer the application of the lesson is to the teaching, the better they will be able to catch on. This applies to everyone, not just children.

You also need to remember that this is "practice." They will not get it right every time. In fact, they will probably mess it up more than they get it right.

They need the opportunity to fail.

And this can be discouraging for everyone involved:

• You get discouraged because "they didn't get it"
• They get discouraged because they want to do it right, but let you down instead

Some children are affected more by this than others. My son gets so discouraged when he misses something or doesn't do something right, that he lets his anger come out. My daughter tends to cry with disappointment.

Help your child to deal with the disappointment, learn from the mistakes, and try again.

5. Praise them

We all need encouragement and praise. Even if your child doesn't do everything right, find something to complement him on. If you're paying attention close enough, see how he improved over the last time.

This time of praise should come quickly and often, especially for younger children. They need the affirmation, approval, and encouragement to keep trying.

6. Give appropriate correction

Spending time praising your child for his successes, however small, is only part of the practicing time. There also needs to be instruction and correction for the things that were done incorrectly or incompletely.

Kindly and gently show them what they missed and how to correct it. If possibly, give them the opportunity to try it again right away, so they can apply the lesson practically.

Sometimes, however, it may be better to allow some time to pass before trying it again. When you do allow time in between, you'll need to start at the demonstration step again. You'll probably be able to go through it more quickly, but it's important that they can see it and refresh their memory (especially for younger children).

7. Repeat

Remember, this is a life-long process. You'll be repeating these steps over and over. Hopefully, your child will learn as they get older, and then you'll be training them on something new.

 

Any male can be a father...it takes a real man to be a dad.

During the month of June, I am focusing on being a better father (and husband). Fathers Day is June 21st this year, and let's make this one the best one yet.

In the movie, Courageous, the five main fathers joined together to make a commitment to become better fathers and husbands. The result was "The Resolution" that they pledged to keep.

Fathers, the Providers

One of the big responsibilities as a father is that of being a provider for your family.

Many have the perception that this refers to financial obligations. But this involves so much more!

Your family needs the financial provisions, but they also have spiritual, emotional, and psychological needs. Yes, Mom is important and helps to fulfill these needs as well, but too many fathers have been absent from these areas for too long.

Growing up without a father in the home, I understand what I missed. I had some father-figures that entered my life later in life, and I'm a father now. As much and as hard as my mom tried, there was something missing from not having a father.

Some fathers are completely absent, not involved in the children's lives at all. Some fathers are part-time because of custody arrangements.

But some fathers are "home" but still absent. They are too busy with their careers or hobbies to spend time with their kids. They feel that the food and shelter they are providing are enough. Extra expensive gifts eases their consciences.

Kids don't need more and better stuff. They need time with Dad. They need your leadership to show them the way.

We, as husbands and fathers, will stand and give account one day.

[Tweet "Any male can be a father...it takes a real man to be a dad. #CourageousFatherhood"]

Be Courageous

Below, you'll see a video challenging you to become courageous by becoming the father and husband you ought to be. If you want to join me this month to accept this challenge, please go to http://joshuarivers.net/010

Back in December, I first set goals for 2013. I've shared some updates for the first couple months, but dropped the ball since March. In this episode, I review over these goals, where I am, and what I'm going to be working on.

First, in light of Memorial Day, I'd like to thank all those that have served or are still serving in our military.

Here is my Goals for 2013 - Original List and the 3 Focus Words for 2013.

You can follow the trail of my goals as I track my progress as well.

I'd like your feedback on future show topics and people to interview. Here's just a couple that I'm working on:

• Social Media (with Erik J. Fisher of the Beyond the To Do List podcast)
• Exercise (with Mark Sieverkropp)
• Blogging/Podcasting
• Your ideas....

Questions: How are your 2013 goals coming? Do you have any topics or suggestions for the show?

In this episode, I reflect on risk. We face risks all the time. Sometimes the risks are small. Sometimes they are huge. We need to learn to properly handle risk.

In Jon Acuff's book "Quitter," he has a chapter devoted to facing risk in light of pursing your dream job. Risk brings fear with it, which he also deals with in his newest book, "Start." These principles of facing risk also apply to every area of our lives.

Here are some highlights from this chapter in his book:

• "Every dream has risk associated with it."
• "90 percent perfect and shared with the world always changes more lives than 100 percent and stuck in your head."
• "You have the perfect amount of time each day for the things that matter most."

Questions: Are you getting paralyzed by the risks you face? Do you have anything that helps you conquer the fear?

In this episode, I talk about procrastination. This is an area I struggle with, and I am working on breaking the cycle of procrastination so I can get more accomplished and improve my quality of life. You may also like to go back and listen to episode #009 where I talk with Kent Sanders about using Evernote to simplify your life.

I'm currently reading "Procratination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It NOW" by Jane b. Burka and Lenora M. Yuen. The first part of the book shares some things to help us understand why we procrastinate:

The Cycle of Procrastination

1.       “I’ll start early this time”

2.       “I’ve got to start soon.”

3.       “What if I don’t start?”

4.       “There’s still time.”

5.       “There’s something wrong with me.”

6.       The final choice: To do or not to do

7.       “I’ll never procrastinate again!”

 

Reasons for Procrastination:

1.       Fear of failure

2.       Fear of success

3.       Fear of losing the battle

4.       Fear of separation

5.       Fear of intimacy

I had a question submitted by The Iron Jen: "What drives him each day to be his best and how does he get through tough times?"

From 48 Days:

• You talk about the fact that God has uniquely gifted you in:

1.       Skills and abilities

2.       Personality traits

3.       Values, dreams, and passions

• The difference between vocation, career, and a job
• Having a balance in all areas (7 parts of the Wheel of Life)

• Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs vs. Dan's Hierarchy of World-changers

 

Dan, your podcast has made a huge difference in my life over the past year and a half! My question is, I'm trying to work on thinking more creatively. What activities or exercises do you use to develop and maintain the ability to think creatively? – Mark Sieverkropp

 

"Wisdom Meets Passion" book : WOW! Brilliant concept, Excellent execution, & Super insightful. Thank you and Jared for this book! What advice do you have for fathers who desire this kind of relationship with their future adult sons? How do fathers nurture and encourage individualism, freedom, and confidence as their children develop? – Jeremy Carver

Benefits of taking action now:

• Get Things Done

• Stop Procrastination

• Lower Your Stress

• More Free Time

• Better Accomplishments

• Save Time & Money

• Make Your Life Easier

• Keeps You Alert & On Top Of Things

• Overcome Daily Obstacles & Challenges

• Make Yourself A More Valuable Worker

• Opportunities

 

How to take action:

• Stay Positive
• Having The Right Attitude
• Get Self-Motivated
• Stop Procrastinating
• Set Goals
• Get Started / Take The First Step
• Be Optimistic
• Do Things Others Don’t Want To
• Be Up For Challenges & Obstacles

• Work Smart Not Hard

 

Action items:

• Leave a comment about how taking action now can help you or something that helps you to take action
• Leave a question for Dan Miller. I'll be interviewing him on Thursday, April 25, discussing doing work you love. Mostly based on his book “48 Days to the Work You Love” but also his new book “Wisdom Meets Passion”

Leave a review on iTunes (simpleliving.us/itunes)

 

This is the 9^th episode of the Quality Living Made Simple podcast. I’m still preparing for the EntreLeadership 1-Day Event, so I asked Kent Sanders to help share some things about getting started with using Evernote.

Kent shared a couple things about himself:

• Turn 39 this year!  Wow, time goes by fast!
• Married to Melanie for 17 years this June.  Our son Ben just turned 9.
• My background is pastoral ministry – now teach at SLCC; been there since 2004.  Main areas of teaching are music, worship, guitar, arts – also direct Chapel services and our worship leadership program.

Here’s how you can connect with him:

• http:artistssuitcase.com
• kent@artistssuitcase.com
• Twitter: @kentsanders
• Podcast: The Artist’s Suitcase
• Youtube: username is kentsanders – see Evernote tutorials

Interview topics:

·         What exactly in Evernote?

·         How do you get information and content into Evernote?

·         How do you use Evernote in your daily life?

·         How do you find your stuff in Evernote once it’s in there?

·         Any other tidbits about Evernote?

Upcoming interview: I will have the privilege to interview Dan Miller on April 25, author of the 48 Days to the Work You Love, Wisdom Meets Passion, and other books. He is also the host of the 48 Days Podcast. Do you have any questions for him?

Questions: Do you have any tips about Evernote? Do you have any other tools or systems to help keep track of things?

My name is Joshua Rivers, and this is the eighth episode, and we’ve been able to have some incredible episodes so far. I am so excited about the possibilities in the future as well.

Last week, I was able to speak with Chris LoCurto about preparing to attend an event or conference. He has worked with Dave Ramsey’s team for over 12 years, and has put together and spoken at dozens, or even hundreds of events. He shared some fantastic advice. I have shared a few other resources to help prepare for events. I also promised a list of action items that I planned on sharing just on the blog last week, but I decided to share them on the podcast as well. I’ll share them in just a minute.

 

Nothing Undone Lessons:

First, I’ll be doing a little recap and then I’ll be sharing some things about reaching for our potential. This is part of the little series I started in the first episode based out of Joshua 11:15, where it says about Joshua that “he left nothing undone.” I shared some things about priorities, purpose, principles, and preparation. Some of these were directly related to this series, some were just part of the discussions and interviews.

1. Priorities:

·                     Life is too short to do everything you’re supposed to do.

·                     That means something must be left undone.

·                     Most of us leave the important things undone and do the less important things.

·                     The reason for that is, big things never clamor for you time.

·                     So the important things must be done on purpose.

 

1.                   God comes first (Matt. 6:33)

2.                   Family (Eph. 5:21 - 6:4)

3.                   Church (Heb. 10:25)

4.                   Work (Gen. 3:17-19; 2 Thes. 3:12)

5.                   Others (Gal. 6:10; 1 John 3:16-19)

6.                   Self (2 John 8; Rom. 14:12)

2. Purpose:

1.                   Quote by John Maxwell in “The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth”:

·         “People say there are two great days in a person’s life: the day you were born and the day you discover why. I want to encourage you to seek what you were put on this earth to do. Then pursue it with all your effort.”

2.                   Purpose answers the question "Why?"

3.                   Purpose gives us reason.

4.                   Your purpose needs to be bigger than yourself.

5.                   Joshua's purpose was bigger than himself

6.                   God has a purpose and plan for each of us

7.                   If we don't fulfill our purpose, God may find someone else (Esther 4:14)

3. Personal Accountability:

1.                   We must take responsibility for ourselves

2.                   We need to start asking better questions

3.                   Avoid blame, procrastination, and victim thinking

4.                   Focus on taking action

4. Principles (Core Values):

5.                   We need to have a set of principles or values that we live by.

6.                   These are more that preferences.

7.                   These are things that we don’t negotiate on.

5. Preparation:

1.                   Know why – have a purpose

2.                   Take notes

3.                   Network by giving, not taking

4.                   Study

6. This week, I’d like to talk a minute about potential:

1.                   Our potential is always bigger than we are now

2.                   We should be striving to reach our potential

3.                   Not reaching for our potential is a waste

4.                   We have more potential than we think – God has plans for us (purpose)

a.       Share story of my stuttering and speech therapy

b.      I still need to work on my “ums” and “ahs”

c.       I normally try to edit a lot of them out because they tend to distract from the content, but I didn’t edit them on this episode on purpose for two reasons:

1)      So that my progress can be seen

2)      So that I don’t rely on the crutch of editing – higher accountability

I’m thinking about taking these lessons, adding to them, and then making it into an e-book. If that is something that you would be interested in, please leave me some feedback.

 

Action Items for EntreLeadership

1. Pray:
1. God’s wisdom
2. Help with interacting with people – goes against my nature (introvert)
3. To pay attention so I can learn as much as I can
2. Identify my purpose for attending
3. Ask others for advice
4. Ordered business cards and other products with logos
5. Go through the EntreLeadership book – already read, so just doing a quick scan and listening to audiobook
6. Make sure my Social media profiles and About page are up-to-date
7. Post something awesome on my blog – ALWAYS! J

• Also working on improving my Dev By JR site

8. Start making connections with attendees
1. Sent some tweets to Dave Ramsey, Jon Acuff, Chris Hogan, and @EntreLeadership
2. Sent some tweets and post on LinkedIn trying to find others attending – no success yet
3. Going to do some more as the time gets closer
4. Set up Facebook group to share ideas and resources
9. When I go to help, plan on working!
10. Get to the event as early as possible – waiting at the doors when it opens

 

 

Podcast Episodes:

1. Introduction to me and the show

2. Thank You Revolution with Matt McWilliams

3. Purpose with Mark Sieverkropp

4. Parenting the QBQ Way with John Miller

5. Growing Up with QBQ with Kristin Lindeen

6. Core Values with Dave Stachowiak

7. Preparing for Events with Chris LoCurto

 

This show is brought to you by Dev By JR, LLC

I recently started this web design and development business. I’m still getting things nailed down and fine-tuned. But I would love to help with your website or answer questions you may have. My focus is on small business websites, but I can help with church websites and blogs as well. You can contact me at DevByJR.com.

Leave Some Feedback

1.       I would love to hear from you! Please go to the blog at SimpleLiving.us/008. You can find the show notes there with pertinent links. You can scroll down and leave a comment or question there.

2.       Or you can e-mail me at feedback@qualitylivingmadesimple.com.

3.       You can also go to the blog, click on the voicemail link on the right and leave a short voicemail for me.

4.       If you’d like to connect on Twitter, I am @JoshuaWRivers.

I am personally preparing to attend the EntreLeadership 1-day event in Olahoma City on April 19th. I am searching and sharing ways to prepare for such an event. I have some advice that's been given so far, plus an interview with Chris LoCurto, who has helped put on dozens if not hundreds of events himself.

Lily’s advice:

1.       Stock up on business cards

2.       Update your online profiles

3.       Post something awesome on your blog

4.       Start connecting with attendees on social media and promote the event before, during, and after

 

Kelly’s advice:

1.       Pray – throughout the days and weeks before attending

2.       Do read the EntreLeadership book before attending

3.       Be very intentional in preparation before the event

4.       Meet and keep in touch with other attendees

Listen to the episode to hear Chris' advice!

Blog at: SimpleLiving.us/006

This week, I have an interview with Dave Stachowiak, and we're talking about core values. You can find out more about Dave at CoachingForLeaders.com.

 Here are some of the questions he answers:

1. What are core values?
2. Why are core values important?
3. How many core values should you have?
4. How do  you start choosing core values?

 We also had a question submitted by Mark Sieverkropp:

Can you describe the difference between a mission statement and core values? I have a feeling that they are distinct and both have a place, but I'm curious to know how you define both and what role they play in a personal, family or organizational life.

Here are some of the links from the show:

Importance of Core Values

Coaching For Leaders Episode #20 - Your Core Values

List of Core Values (as mentioned in the show)

Questions: Have you set your core values? Would you share them below? Any other questions or comments about core values?

Interview with Kristin Lindeen, daughter of John Miller. Speaking about growing up in the QBQ home, lessons she learned, and how she is now able to pass it on to her own children.

You can find out more about Kristin and QBQ:

Twitter: @KristinLindeen

Website: qbq.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theqbq?fref=ts

Here are some listener submitted questions:

What things did John do that had the most impact on kristin in changing how she asked questions? Was there a point in her life when she rememers looking at personal accountability or has it always been ingrained in her thinking. - Wade Thorson

"What are you doing to pass down the QBQ legacy that your father has passed along to you?" - Jon Stolpe

Today, I have John G. Miller with me. He is known for his work with QBQ! The Question Behind the Question. He has a new book about specifically for parents.

We will be talking about what QBQ is and the importance of personal accountability. We will look at the simplicity of the concept and some practical ways to implement them. A main focus is on his newest book, "Parenting the QBQ Way."

Today, I have Mark Sieverkropp with me. The conversation was pre-recorded, and there was some background noise and a couple times of poor connection. Regardless of a couple minor issues, it was a great conversation about the importance of purpose. Below are some of the things we talked about. You'll need to listen to get the full content.

Quote by John Maxwell in “The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth”:

People say there are two great days in a person’s life: the day you were born and the day you discover why. I want to encourage you to seek what you were put on this earth to do. Then pursue it with all your effort.

• Purpose answers the question "Why?"
• Purpose gives us reason.
• Your purpose needs to be bigger than yourself.
• Joshua's purpose was bigger than himself
• God has a purpose and plan for each of us
• If we don't fulfill our purpose, God finds someone else (Esther 4:14)

Next episode, we will have a great interview with John G. Miller - the QBQ Guy! He has a new book out called "Parenting the QBQ Way" and we'll be discussing some of the principles from it.

Please be sure to share this with your social circles and tell your friends and family.

If you have any questions or comments, please leave on the blog.

Purpose

We all want to have a quality life. We run into difficult situations all the time. The purpose of this podcast is:

• To understand what it really means to have a quality life
• How to build and maintain that life with simple tips, tools, and tricks.

My name is Joshua Rivers, and I am your host. No, I don’t have it all figured out. I’m just trying to learn to improve my life and share my findings with you.

Purpose

We all want to have a quality life. We run into difficult situations all the time. The purpose of this podcast is:

• To understand what it really means to have a quality life
• How to build and maintain that life with simple tips, tools, and tricks.